Yelling, screaming, or raising your voice at me. It threatens my sense of emotional and physical safety.
Not consoling me—or even attempting to empathize—when I’m visibly upset. Assholery.
When your words and actions don’t align. Inauthenticity.
Objectifying me from the jump.
Not paying for our first meal together—or complaining about having to pay for a date. Bonus points if you somehow make me feel guilty about paying. Cheap.
Talking about yourself for hours without asking me a single damn question. Self-centeredness disguised as conversation.
Commenting on women’s bodies. Example: unnecessarily calling me “plus-sized.”
Not reading my blog or writing—or worse, making fun of it. If you can’t celebrate my passions, you don’t get access to me.
Laughing at my goals, dreams, or ambitions. I need someone who believes in me, not someone who makes me feel stupid for dreaming big.
Lying. Yes, saying “yes” when you really mean “no” counts.
Mocking me or rolling your eyes at me.
All-or-nothing thinking. “ALL women.” “ALL men.” “ALL liberals.” “Always.” “Never.” “Nothing.” Irrationality and presumption are exhausting.
Using my trauma against me. Weaponizing someone’s pain is cruel.
Denying my truth or repeatedly questioning my reality. Gaslighting is a hard no.
Not sticking up for me in rooms I’m not in.
Only being there when life is easy, then disappearing on my worst days.
Minimizing my life experiences.
Leaving me in your bed, going to the neighbor’s house—who happens to be your ex-girlfriend—and sleeping with her too. Yes, apparently this needs to be on the list.
Wearing a hat around town that says, “Sorry I Fucked Your Sister.” Humiliating, mortifying, and nasty.
Inviting me to fly out to see you and not even offering to help pay for the plane ticket.
Not helping with my luggage, opening the car door, or letting me walk in first. Basic manners still matter to me.
Telling me you’re divorced while we’re dating but being unable—or unwilling—to provide anything that confirms it.
A moldy toothbrush, stale breath, or stinky sheets. Basic hygiene, please.
Cuddling your dogs more than you cuddle me. Cock block.
Being emotionally unregulated and unable to show empathy when I’m crying—or refusing to apologize when something shitty happens. Emotional intelligence matters.
Expecting me to “serve” you simply because you’re the man. Selfishness with a side of misogyny.
Neglecting my safety. Letting me walk to my car alone in the dark or not bothering to ask if I made it home safely tells me a lot.
Making me responsible for your shitty past experiences with other women. I am not your ex. Stop generalizing.
Trying to move from first base to fourth base in approximately 2.5 seconds. What the fuck?
Manipulation. Any flavor.
Rolling your eyes and saying things like, “You’re trying my patience.” I’m not a child, and you’re not my father.
Lying by omission.
Starting rumors or running your mouth about my biggest insecurities. Humiliation is not love.
Threatening my life or safety. Immediate exit.
Choking me. Not sexy. Not remotely.
Defending Trump in any capacity.
Trying to turn me into someone I’m not. Trying to make me Christian, make me read the Bible, make me attend church, or force any belief system onto me is pushy and deeply unattractive.
Telling me LGBTQ+ people need to “repent” or insisting they simply chose who they’re attracted to. Repulsion.
Calling me “crazy,” “dramatic,” “overly sensitive,” or “high-maintenance.” Judgment disguised as characterization.
Not honoring my “no”—especially when it comes to my body or physical boundaries. My no is not the beginning of a negotiation.
Silent treatment and ghosting. Silent treatment and ghosting
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